In honor of the holidays, I felt it was the perfect time to address a certain common courtesy that almost everyone violates: farting. Now, I am certainly a person who enjoys some good gas relief. As a matter of fact, my family dabbles in the occasional Fart War or Burp Contest. But, even I know when is the right and wrong time to let the gases flow from the basement. And after nearly choking to death in the grocery store checkout line a few days ago, I think it’s time for me to reiterate these common courtesies with y’all!

1. Do NOT fart around food or while people are eating.

This is just plain common sense. Yet, I have been in situations where I’ve sniffed a rancid smell near the birthday cake! If you really need to relieve yourself, get up and go to the bathroom! No one wants to inhale flatulence as they simultaneously sip a glass of Chardonnay. Take it to the loo!

2. Do NOT fart in closed spaces with others. 


As much as I enjoy letting a little one slip when my brother gets overwhelmingly annoying during long car rides (#RevengeFart), I can admit that it’s wrong. What’s worse is letting it rip in a closed area with people who you don’t know. This includes cars, classrooms, elevators, and stairwells. There is nothing worse than sniffing another person’s fart; except for when that person is a stranger.

3. Do not fart in public spaces with others.

Let me go back to my grocery store example. I became so angry that I almost dropped my food and demanded that the culprit apologize to everyone in the building. I was livid. I wanted to throw a fist, actually. So, hold it until you get out the door! Or far enough in the parking lot where no one else will be around you! Or in the… *GASP*…  bathroommmm.

4. Do NOT think that your silent fart won’t be smelled.

There is a 50/50 chance that your fart won’t be heard, as much as there is a 50/50 chance that it won’t smell. Instead of taking this risk, just save it for when you get to the toilet. That way you won’t be the topic of conversation in your co-workers’ group chat (the one that just so happens to not include you).

Happy Holidays and may the *FARTS* be with you. No really. Keep it to yourself. 


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