If the Future was a Monster, It’d Be a Big, Scary One

I, like many of my fellow December graduates, are in a bit of a rut. We’re at a time where we’re figuring out what we want to do next or how we’re going to get to where we want to be next. And the cold winds, snow packed roads, and early sunsets do not help one bit. So you can pretty much guarantee that most of the December 2014 graduates are huddled under their Snuggie, like I am, fearing not only their futures, but the outside weather too.

Because I am an introvert, I think a lot. I think so much I get lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I am so caught up in my thoughts while I’m driving, I won’t realize that I passed my exit, 3 exits ago. It’s terrible…but also a blessing. Because I’m a thinker, I am also a planner. I plan my next step, my next outfit, my next venture, my next anything. I am a thinker and a planner. But, I have come to realize that as I planned my future after college, I forgot some details, mainly one: What will I do in the interim between graduation and graduate school? I figured on getting a full time job and then taking a couple of classes a semester. But, as we all know, you can’t truly plan out your life because God is the only one who can do that. And that statement holds true even now because of this…

My family is moving. My parents have finally decided after many, many years of toying with the idea that they are going to move back to Maryland. One part of me is ecstatic because this is something that I’ve wanted since the fourth grade! It’s so hard only being able to see my extended family a couple of times a year while I watch my friends visit their grandparents and cousins and aunts every weekend. I was so jealous and now I finally get my wish! Yay! But… ooh that other side of me is mortified. I had it all planned out to go to a Connecticut university and live with Mom and Dad until I was stable on my feet, blah blah blah. I can do the same at Maryland of course, but it’s much harder because there are almost no schools that hold the degree that I want to pursue. So now my thinking self is doubting myself: Do I really need to go to graduate school so soon? Why don’t I just stick to job hunting? What about DC grad schools? How expensive would that be? Could I get in-state tuition or am I going to drown in more loans? The list goes on.

I terrified of my future. As of this summer, I’ll leave everything in Connecticut except for the memories and become a Crab-crackin Marylandite once again and I am completely terrified because that was not in the plans I had for my future.

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