Sigh. So. The day has come. I’ve been thinking about this day since January. “Where will I be? Will I have a special somebody? Will I be alone? Will I care?” And after spending much of my time thinking about it, the answer is: YES. I care. I care. I care. Valentine’s Day may be just a way for HallMark to make an extra billion dollars every year. But, I don’t care. Valentine’s Day is a day where you can brag about being loved and in love and no one can complain about it because they’re doing the same.

This is a big deal because I grew up always dreading Valentine’s Day. Nobody wanted me. No one was attracted to me. Except for Shane in 7th grade. I was that “awkward lanky Oreo girl”. My first Valentine was my Dad, who I remember in second grade, gave me the new Mulan movie on VHS and a rose. I was the happiest girl in the world. But, Dad’s are supposed to do that! I always wanted a Valentine from a boy who wasn’t a family member. But, that dream never came.

So, my Freshman year of high school, I tried to boycott Valentine’s week by dressing Gothic. That was a complete fail because I was so obsessed with everything Abercrombie, I owned no black items in my closet (They didn’t produce Black clothes until 2014) except for a black skirt and black pair of slacks that I only ever wore for Concert Choir. I owned no black tops, so I decided to wear white ones. And the only black shoes I owned were these little chunky heels which, again, I only wore for Concert Choir. My “boycott” only lasted for 3 days when I ran out of anything remotely black in my closet. On top of that, the boycott was totally pointless because instead of seeming morbid and dreary, people kept asking me, “Why are you so dressed up?” I had to repeatedly state that I was not dressed up, and in fact Gothic. Epic fail.

This Valentine’s day is also a big deal because it’s my first time being single for it in 4 years. My ex and I both loved celebrating holidays. They always consisted of romantic dates, 5 star restaurants, thoughtful presents, etc. So, to essentially be where I was before I met him is sobering not because I want the luxury, but because I miss that euphoric feeling of being in and celebrating love. Read my thoughts on love HERE.

I’ve thought long and hard about how I want to handle this V-day situation. Parts of me wants to chill the hell out because it’s just another damn day. Other parts of me wants to be a Negative Nancy and post depressing memes about Love and V-day. Some parts of me want to just love myself for once; dress up, take myself out to dinner, and enjoying being a human being. I’m fully conscious that V-day is just another day. But, it used to be more than just another day to me, which is why I can’t grasp how to handle it. But, I’ve come to a decision. I’m going to love myself, dress dark, and maybe take myself out. I combined all of my ideas into one. Pow.

Besides, I have a hot dress that I haven’t gotten the chance to wear out and I need a reason to wear it! Hmph.

Photos of my makeup look, outfit, and events (if I do go out) will be added later.

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